A New Year - New Beginnings

I like the psychological boost that comes with a new year: The new year is new, fresh, unspoiled, filled with opportunities. While every day is a new beginning, the first of the year brings the hope that I can accomplish good things. The past year is over, the slate wiped clean. I can be the person I choose to be, hopefully the person that God wants me to be. I can set new goals, knowing I won't accomplish all of them, but knowing that even if I only accomplish some of them, I will be a better person for the effort.

New Year's Day is a great day to contemplate what you want your year to look like, a good day to establish new habits and new routines, a good day to rejoice in the blessings God has given, and a good day to look to the future with hope.

I've got my new planner set up. I'm going to start filling in the calendar. I'm going to set some goals for the year, the month, the week, and even for today. I am not going to let past failures, past defeats, past inadequacies, or past procrastination pull me down. Will I be "perfect" this year? No . . . but I can live in the present, I can do the best I can, and I know that God will help me make this a good year.

I wish for you, my readers, to take advantage of all the psychological boosts that the changing into a New Year can be. Try something new. Try to improve one of your skills. Reach out to someone around you. Set some goals for yourself. And, above all, choose a positive attitude. Believing that 2010 will be a great year is the first step into making it a reality!

Go for it!

Words from the Father

When I take time to spend time in God's word, I often find that the scriptures or study books that I am using often parallel what is currently going on in my life. With Gene going through the final stages of the aging process, my scripture reading jumped out at me today:

From Psalm 71
Be my rock of refuge to which I can always go . . . .
Do not cast me away when I am old;
do not forsake me when my strength is gone . . . .
Be not far from me, O God . . . .
Even when I am old and gray, do not forsake me, O God . . . .
Though you have made me see troubles, many and bitter,
you will restore my life again;
From the depths of the earth you will again bring me up.

Such a wonderful reminder of the new life we have waiting for us beyond the grave.

Death and Dying

I can say I have good news about Gene for the moment. After a very scary day Sunday where he was SO helpless, Monday he rebounded. From being hardly able to reposition himself in a chair, he is back to walking easily, to being alert, and able to do some care for himself. Such dramatic changes occurred over just a four day time frame. From being good, to being very ill and incapacitated, to being good again.

I try to read from scripture on a regular basis. It is especially helpful when life crisis occur. My readings over the last few days have certainly been relevant. On March 25, my reading from Psalms 68 led my focus to God's goodness: father to the fatherless, defender of widows, setting the lonely in families, leading forth prisoners with singing, and giving abundant showers, refreshing a weary inheritance. This was Saturday, Gene was home from the hospital, walking was tortuous. How could I see God's goodness in this situation? As I reflected and struggled with this concept, the thoughts came in my mind, that Gene is already on the road through the valley of the shadow of death. That this life struggle is really just the means God is using to transport Gene to the place that Jesus has prepared for him. My sister-in-law reminded me that our arrival into this world as babies requires a painful and traumatic struggle through a small birth canal. While I don't fully understand why some people go quickly and relatively painlessly through death and others have sometimes years of illness and struggle, I do believe that God appointed our time of birth and death before we were ever born. As humans, God gave us a strong desire to live. So many people live longer than we expect in their final stretch of life because of that strong will to live - whether it be to a desire not to desert loved ones or an actual fear of dying. Sometimes it is the family's prayers that keep someone alive, until it finally becomes apparent that it is time for the suffering to end. Both the dying person and the family have to come to a point where it is time to let go.

Yesterday's scripture read before I saw how well Gene was doing seemed so appropriate to our situation. From Psalm 69:

Save me, O God, for the waters have come up to my neck,
I sink in the miry depths,
where there is not foothold.
I have come into the deep waters,
the floods engulf me.
I am worn out calling for help,
my throat is parched.
. . . . . . .
But I pray to you, O Lord, in the time of your favor;
in your great love, O God, answer me up with your sure salvation,
Rescue me from the mire,
do not let me sink,
. . . . . . . .
Do not let the floodwaters engulf me
or the depths swallow me up
or the pit close its mouth over me.
Answer me, O Lord, out of the goodness of your love;
In your great mercy turn to me.
Do not hide your face from your servant;
Answer me quickly, for I am in trouble,
Come near and rescue me.

From Sunday's reading:
Praise be to the Lord, to God our Saviour, who daily bears our burdens.

And today's reading????
Words of praise also from Psalm 69
I will praise God's name in song and glorify him with thanksgiving
. . . . . .
Let heaven and earth praise Him, the seas and all that move in them.
for God will save Zion and rebuild the cities of Judah.
Then people will settle there and possess it;
the children of his servants will inherit it,
and those who love his name will dwell there.

How can one not be encouraged by these words from God, even in the midst of the pain of losing a loved one?
In many things over the last few days, God has sent things to bring joy and peace in the midst of the grief.
Yes . . . . . God is good!

ER

Life at 86 has its ups and downs. One day you are feeling pretty good, getting around fairly well, and life is pretty good. The next day one part of your anatomy begins to scream for attention, you can barely walk, and you get to make a run to the emergency room.

We have been so blessed that my father in law has done so well since his hospitalizations in October and November. I truly believe that all of the prayers that have been offered up on his behalf have made a big difference. In November we were told that his kidneys were only functioning at 32%. At the time, the doctors did not seem to think that it was likely to get better. The kidney function test run in the last couple of weeks showed functioning at 60% - almost normal for his age! "Mona" (our nickname), the amazing medical machine that allows Evelyn and Gene to check his vitals every morning and send the data to the doctors via the phone lines, has been showing fairly stable life signs and an oxygen reading that is within the target range.

Last night, Gene's leg got very painful. The prescribed pain med did not dull the pain enough for him to get comfortable. The inevitable "panic" that pain often brings creates its own cycle - you feel excruciating pain, your body tenses up, your anxiety level increases, you move to get more comfortable, feel more pain, your body increases the tense muscles, the anxiety level increases . . . . . you get the picture. So after trying to get the feet up, a gentle massage of the painful areas, attempts to get him to sleep, a call to the doctor on call, the application of moist heat - when none of these worked - we managed painfully to get him into the car, out of the car, and into the emergency room.

Thankfully, the emergency room is relatively quiet after midnight. They got him into one of the rooms fairly quickly. A sonogram, blood work, and a cat scan did not reveal anything helpful to the doctors. While the morphine did not work immediately, by morning, I am thankful to say he is resting peacefully again. We have some theories from the doctor as to what is going on. For now, the hope is that after being observed until in the morning, we will be able to get him back home tomorrow.

I found that I got my best "rest" meditating on familiar Christian songs - those thankful ones. "For all that you've done I will thank you . . . . ." "This is the day, this is the day that the Lord hath made . . . I will rejoice, I will rejoice and be glad in it," etc. As I tried to dose in upright chairs, these words and tunes kept my mind occupied and somewhat free of anxiety. Henry found a more comfortable waiting area - and when it was my turn, I lay down on the sofa and once again began my song mantras. I feel pretty deeply asleep even though the sofa was a little short. When we finally got Gene to a regular hospital room, the reclining chair allowed me to finish my "night's" sleep. At 11:30 today, I feel much more rested than I deserve.

And the good news, both Gene and Evelyn are sleeping pretty soundly in the room next to me! Thank you, God!