A Moment in Time

This is not one of my "usual" posts. But a newspaper article today brought back memories of an event long ago.

Crime and Punishment after 32 Years

Back in 1978, I was working the night shift, the graveyard shift, for the Department of Human Resources in South Austin. There is one night I remember vividly - at my "lunch" break, I needed to go out to my van to get the meal I had forgotten to bring in with me. The night watchman told me that he needed to escort me to my van because there was an active manhunt going on - a police officer had been shot nearby. When I saw the headline in today's Austin Statesman, I had a sinking feeling that it was going to be about Ralph Ablanedo's killer. I didn't have to read the article to remember the name Ablanedo - it is etched in my memory. It was a brutal, senseless murder and the next morning, David Powell was found hiding in a tree on the school grounds too close to where I worked. None of us at work felt very secure that evening, knowing that this extensive manhunt was going on around us.

1978 is truly a long time ago. The wheels of justice seem to have rolled very slowly to come to a conclusion on this case. Turns out Powell is only a year older than I. It is too easy for me to look back and think, "I was working, productive, sober, and responsible 32 years ago." But, today I'm older, slower, wiser - maybe. Am I a better person now than 32 years ago? Hard for me to know or judge. After so many years of incarceration, David Powell is certainly not the same person he was the night of the murder. I find it sad for many reasons that this case has continued on. Delayed closure for the Ablanedo family . . . prolonged uncertainty for David Powell and his family (and yes, I feel more grief for his family's ordeal of uncertainty and grief than his waiting time in prison.)

I remember another Texas death penalty case several years ago - a woman was executed who had turned her life around in prison. But once again, in youthful folly she was involved in a brutal murder. That story was also hard to follow . . . justice vs mercy for a life that had changed.

In some ways, life today still has moments where brutal murders, random, senseless death still occur. Sometimes it seems like there are more brutal crimes committed in these present years. Far too many young people are making poor choices during their teenage years when perhaps they are too young to fully understand all the ramifications of their actions.

The article in the Stateman is long by newspaper standards. Most people won't read all of it. It manages to cover most of the issues about the death penalty - determent, justice, is the person likely to commit another such crime, closure for the victim's family, etc.

I haven't chosen to listen to the video that goes with the article - an interview with David Powell. And I don't profess to have wisdom as to whether life in prison is a better alternative to the death penalty for this case specifically or for all cases. Too many issues . . . too many points of view . . . with reasonable arguments on both sides.

But I was too close to the action the night that Ralph Ablanedo died. I read the newspaper articles then that detailed how he was shot. While all policemen are not perfect, I want to live in a world where policemen are respected. They should not have to wonder each time they go out on patrol whether they will come home to their loved ones - and especially they shouldn't die making a routine traffic stop.

I also believe that there are consequences - both good and bad for what we do in life. We make choices either consciously or unconsciously every day. Sometimes our choices are good - benefiting ourselves and our families. Sometimes they are destructive - hurting ourselves and others. While I hate to see someone who may have turned their life around punished for something they did long in the past, there is a sense of justice needed here - we need to be accountable for what we do and for what we've done - both good and bad. We also need to get the word out to our young people that the choices they make when they are young can resonate through the rest of their lives.

There seems to be at least one more avenue of appeal for David Powell, I find myself not caring what the final outcome is - God is truly the final judge for David Powell. But this story needs an ending. I just hope that the final ending brings peace and closure for the Ablanedo family and that God gives David Powell's family and loved ones healing and acceptance for whatever the final decision brings.

This is such a lose-lose scenario. Sigh . . .

Taking things for granted

We go through our days - there is a rhythm, a routine. Get up, eat breakfast, read the email, read the news, to do lists, lunch, supper, go to bed. But we tend to do these normal things running on "automatic." We get up, walk around the house, eat, sleep - all without thinking a lot about it.

I've got two friends in the hospital right now. These normal routine things I do take on more meaning and significance after visiting the hospital. One friend has had a lot of pain and has had a lot of problems with her digestive system. She was able to eat and enjoy a small supper last night. When I sat down to eat my supper, I was grateful that I still have an appetite (yes . . . an overactive one, but I can still eat and enjoy my food).

We take for granted some basic things that are really the simple pleasures of life - being able to walk around, go outside, watch the birds, smell the roses. Two friends, two different medical situations, two small hospital rooms, IV's, monitors, oxygen, walkers, ambulance rides. For one, it was a gradual decline in health, the other a matter of days from feeling healthy to being kept alive on machines under sedation. But both have been taken out of the mainstream of life. Both families have new routines that include getting to know the hospitals intimately - the best place to park, the best route through the hospital, where the popsicles are, the "senior discount" for parking. But there is joy in small things - being able to breathe unassisted, being able to get out of bed for a short trip to the bathroom, small slices of bread with jelly, having a room where the sunshine can come in, having friends who care.

I am lucky - I can go home, I can eat a tasty meal, I can walk unassisted, I am relatively healthy. And . . . I'm getting ready to go on a big adventure. I am blessed.

But do I remember to thank God for these every day blessings?

Mississippi Musings

I''ve been fascinated with the Mississippi River since I was a child. Growing up in the Panhandle of Texas, the only river around was the Canadian River, which even on a good day, is a slow shallow wading place. The stories from Mark Twain, a spelling bee story that helps one remember how to spell Mississippi, and of course, the songs - Ole Man River from Showboat and Mighty Mississippi by New Christi Minstrels. They've both been in my head all day-even after we left the Mississippi River area.

We first saw the Mississippi at New Orleans where it is bound by city river walls, cruise ships, and buildings. Later we've crossed it at Natchez, Vicksburg, and Memphis on cross country trips. We've taken the short river boat tours around St. Louis and Hannibal. But one year we were lucky. We'd been at a convention in Minneapolis. We got to take our time and go down the Great River Road, sometimes on the east side, sometimes on the west. One of the favorite places we found was Big River State Forest north of Oquakwa, Illinois. There is a wonderful campground right on the banks of the Mississippi. You can watch the river barges right from your front window. (Yes, we ALWAYS park facing the river here!) Last fall we got to stay there 4 or 5 nights as I was working on a photo submission and needed time to stay in one place after our Chicago visit. (Two blog entries: Life Along the River and Life Lessons from a Riverboat)

Henry's latest story is set in Oquakwa, so after the St. Louis convention we made the drive up to drive around the town and make sure he had his details accurate. We checked out our campground, but with no electricity it was not a reasonable choice in the summer. So we stayed at Delabar State Park. This morning I went out for a walk. I need my nature time.

I saw cute little gray birds in the brush piles on the edge of the playground. My binoculars had a bad case of the foggy lenses from the cool temperature in the RV to the high humidity outside. I saw some kind of wren. I read the poster about not bringing Michigan wood into Illinois due to emerald borer. Then I headed over to the boat ramp.

As I approached the ramp,I thought I could hear the engines of one of the river tugs. There was an island between me and the main river channel. I waited, hoping to see it pass where I could see the channel, but no such luck. But in that waiting time, I fully enjoyed my surroundings. Two great egrets and three or four great blue herons fished for their breakfast. Some unseen bird had the prettiest fife like song. Occasionally some big (and I mean big) fish would flop around near me. I caught a glimpse once of a scaly back. I saw a big monster dragonfly dart by and small brilliant blue dragonflies hovering over the water. I got to watch a couple of young men unload an air boat and take off for an expedition on the water.

I pondered at how greatful I was that we do get to experience this great river. And it truly is one of the great rivers of the world. I thought about what it would be like to live in one of the houses here and experience the river throughout all four seasons. I dreamed about having a boat so I could explore the islands and see the migrating water birds in the fall and spring. What would it be like to work on one of the barge tugs going up and down the river as your life's paying job? Wouldn't it be nice to actually take one of those cruises that starts at the upper end of the Mississippi and takes you all the way to New Orleans?

Life is short . . . there is more to see and do on God's beautiful world than any one person can ever do. Henry and I are lucky . . . we get to do more than most. But I can certainly dream about a lot of different things that would be fun to do! This time we only get to spend one night in this area . . . we've got to be back in Austin for a science fiction convention this weekend. But I find myself wishing we had more time here. . . .

Sitting along the Mississippi banks and soaking it all in is truly one of life's simple pleasures.

In Memory

Sometimes events happen very quickly. I've had a pretty good day today - I got up really early, did my "morning things," sat on the porch, had lunch with my friend, Bettye, ran a couple of errands, etc. I'd had a pretty good day. I knew I needed to get back to my exercise program at Curves. I went in, started my workout . . . made it about 1/3 of the way around the circuit . . . and then . . . I saw the sign . . . the memorial fund for Julie . . .

My heart cried, "OH NO!" Julie is young, vibrant, cheerful . . . How can she be gone? Now I understood Michelle's face. She's lost her sister.

Now, I like all the people who work at my Curves. They are each unique, wonderful individuals. I would be this bummed if it had been any of them. But . . . but . . . I have good memories of Julie.

She always greeted me cheerfully and took a genuine interest in me and my daughter. She always wore a big smile. I enjoyed hearing about her kids and their activities.

Death . . .

I'm human. I don't like death . . . .

As Christians we know that death is just a pathway to a new life. Jesus told his disciples he was going to build mansions for them. Revelations tells us about the beauty of heaven. I Thessalonians 4 tells us "We believe that Jesus died and rose and again. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in Him . . . . we will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air."

I believe in the resurrection . . . I believe in life after death . . . I believe that those who have died go on to a better place because of Jesus love, his death, and resurrection.

But . . .

For those of us left behind, we celebrate a life, we celebrate God's love . . . but we also grieve the loss of someone we know, someone we love, someone we will miss. We cry with the closest family friends, because we know how deep their pain is at the loss of a loved one. And when someone young dies, there is the additional grief at a life cut short - a different feeling from when an older person dies who has lived a long and full life. We grieve for what might have been.

For me, I have this death echoes. Henry's parents are aging, my parents and grandparents are already dead. And I have a close friend battling cancer. Death is too near . . .

God gave us a strong desire to live - we fight for our lives . . . but in the end . . . we will all meet death . . . .

And somehow through it all . . . God is truly good. In ways that I cannot explain or even understand, he comforts those who are grieving. If we are looking . . . he sends us something to be grateful for every day.

Join me in prayer for Julie's family - her husband, her children, her parents, her sister, her extended family and friends. It has been a month since she departed this earth, but her family is still hurting. May they feel God's love, comfort, and presence each day!

Change

From my "Grace Notes" by Alexandra Stoddard, today's topic was change.

"Behind seeming permanence lies constant flux. Heraclitus

You are changing and everyone around you is changing. THe rate of change differs, accept that.

**************

Back when I first married, I remember my mother-in-law talking about change. Her youngest two children married within 6 weeks of each other. Her father died right after the second wedding. It was not too long after that her mother-in-law moved in with them. She said that one thing about life was that things were always changing. You go from childhood, get married, have children, children grow up, you have grandchildren, friends and family die.

Being in Amarillo, I can look back and see how many things have changed since I got married and left home 36 years ago. We used to come to Amarillo and it took a full two days of making the rounds to see all the family. My grandparents were alive, Henry's grandmothers were alive, we had Henry's aunt and uncle to visit. While many of that set are gone, we have new ones to take their place. My nieces both have husbands and children now. My children are grown with households of their own.

While I'm still Mary Ann, I'm probably a different Mary Ann than I was all those years ago. I have wonderful memories not only of my family that are now gone, but also of the trips we took, the activities of my children. When I was a young adult, I taught children at every church we attended. While I have taught children at Brentwood, most of my teaching has been geared to adult women. I'm still active physically, but some things are harder due to injuries from the past. I still get where I want to go, I still hike, but I'm a lot slower than I once was.

My perspective on life is different. My those parents of those babies look young, but I was that young, once. The senior citizens don't look nearly as old . . . I see the changes in my friend's faces, especially ones I have not seen in a while. Aging is no respecter of persons. We march through life, we unsucessfully try to drag our feet and slow the aging process down. We exercise, we watch our diets, we work puzzles . . . all in hopes of keeping our bodies and minds fit in our "old age."

But, old age sneaks up on us. My inlaws marvel sometimes about having lived as long as they have. Time goes by quickly.

Change is part of life. Nothing is constant. No . . . that is not quite true. God is constant. And he walks with us throughout all the changes - both good and bad - that come as we go through our lives.

Ecclesiastes talks about there being a time for everything under heaven. Change is one of those constants. Sometimes it is good - like the Texas weather, if you don't like it, wait awhile and it will change.

Sometimes we need to accept the inevitable changes, sometimes we need to fight them. And yes, we need wisdom to know when to accept and when to fight.

But, when change is inevitable, embrace it, accept it, and find ways to rejoice in it.

Thought for the Day

While I don't do it everyday, I like to start my morning on my porch with a cup of coffee or hot tea (when I'm on the road in the RV, I do it looking out the front window). I have a One Year Bible and I usually have one or two more contemporary books or flip calendars to feed my spirit while I'm eating breakfast to feed my physical body.

Today's reading from Alexandra Stoddard's Grace notes seems worth sharing:

Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is a beauty, admire it.
Life is bliss, taste it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is costly, care for it.
Life is wealth, keep it.
Life is love, enjoy it.
Life is mystery, know it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.
--- Mother Teresa

New

Growing up in he '50's was a time of keeping things until they wore out, fixing things when they broke, and buying only what you needed. At least that is how it was in my family. Those pioneer roots of hard work, frugality, and thrift came from my great grandparents as they raised 12 children in the early days of the Texas Panhandle. While the Baker house I remember was a large wood frame two story house in Lockney, there are stories of my greatgrandparents living in a dugout. My grandfather told stories of going hungry as he and his brothers drove cattle and wagons to Amarillo as part of the freighting business. While my family was not poor during the Great Depression, that era left its mark on all who lived through it.

When my husband and I first married, we were both students - by definition, poor. As we moved through life and had our children, we always had enough money to do what we needed, but not always a surplus. So in addition to a family background of using things until they were "used up," I also tended to hang on to things because of the reality that if I needed it later I might not be able to buy it. While money is much less of an issue, my first thinking is usually that if it still works, then I probably don't need a new one. But after almost 20 years at the Hutto house, we've slowly but surely been replacing appliances. Last year it was the washer and dryer and dishwasher. The new washer and dryer work so much better than the old one. The dryer finishes a load in the same time the washer takes. It feels as thought the laundry does not take nearly as long (of course there are also fewer of us now.)

I've lost track of how long I've had my current vacuum cleaner, but it has been a long time. The cord is frayed (good thing they put two sets of insulation - otherwise it would have been a fire hazard.) The cord does not retract like it once did. I still have all the attachments and it still vacuums the dirt off the rug. I looked a vacuums last year when I was buying the other appliances, but I could not decide . . . . plus, my old one still worked.

I looked at vacuums on another shopping excursion . . . . I could not help but think that technology was even changing something as simple as a vacuum cleaner. And the most expensive ones were $500.00. I could not imagine spending that much money on a vacuum. But it was time to do some major house cleaning so the house would look pretty for Christmas. My steam cleaner for the carpet has been sitting in the garage for at least five years waiting for me to order a part. So . . . .

I broke down and went to Conn's to look. I passed the expensive Dyson's and looked at the other ones. They all had a modern almost robotic look. I knew I wanted a powerful motor (that is why I chose the last vacuum-it had the biggest motor). The one that appealed to me was one that you could disassemble for "stairs" turning into a small canister. The small rechargeable vacuum I have for the RV does not work well. I picture myself taking this smaller version with us on the road. They only had one steamer - it looked enough like the one I've had that I took it home as well.

I assembled both of them. When I first started vacuuming, I noticed an immediate difference. The new one is more powerful - duh . . . . . could the old one have been wearing out so gradually I just had not noticed?

When I got ready to decorate the Christmas tree, I was pulling out those small "twinkly" lights. The first string I started to work with had one of 4 sets of lights not working. After going through about 10 bulbs with very little luck finding good ones on that bad link, I plugged in some of the other strings. The next two had one group of the four working. No wonder I had not been using them. I had a string of white lights, but I wanted colored lights this year. Now I've heard people talking about just buying new ones instead of trying to juggle bulbs to make the old ones work. I've resisted that idea. But this year . . . . I headed over to the new Home Depot in Hutto. Sure enough, they had new strands of lights (I did not see any replacement bulbs for these twinkly lights). While I have not yet thrown away the old strings of lights, I think I plan to.

And, by the way, I also bought a new shredder this week. I'd been fighting with the older one almost from the beginning. The shredded paper kept jamming. We kept having to take it apart and pull out tiny shredded paper all wrapped around the rollers. When I took it apart the last time, I noticed that the motor was sparking. And there was all that paper dust right near the sparks. Yup, it was past time to have replaced that . . . should have done it a long time ago.

The moral here . . . . there is a time and a place to buy new things - and not just when they are so old they can't function at all. The second part - we've already thrown away the old shredder. Now I've got to be sure the old counterparts of these new things make it out of my house as well.

God's Time

As humans, we measure time in seconds, minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years. We usually have time estimates as to how long a given task will take. When we get ill, one of our first questions to our doctor is usually how soon will I be well and functioning normally.

Life itself presents many challenges to us as we live it day to day.

As kids, we can hardly wait get our first bicycle, go to school, finish high school etc.

As parents, it is so easy to think such things as:

"I will be SO glad when we are out of diapers."
"I'll be SO glad when he can use words to TELL me what is wrong."
"I'll be so glad when I'm out of college and have a real job."

Today at church one of our families asked us to pray for a crisis situation with their fourteen year old grandson. For many families, teenage years can be rough years. Between individual internal biochemistry issues, emotional problems, puberty, and the need to become independent and individual from parents, this time frame leaves a lot of wounds. One of our favorite words of comfort to people going through such rough times is often: "God's time is not our time."

I was thinking about that today as I was driving in the car. A word picture of this came into my mind. My grandfather bought a farm and farmed it while I was small. We still own that farm and most visits home to my family included a trip to check on the farm and crops. In addition, when the kids were young, I had many vegetable gardens and I planted fruit trees and grapevines.

When you are planting radishes, it takes about three weeks from planting to harvest.
When you are planting corn, wheat, and milo, it takes four to six months from planting to harvest.
When you are planting fruit trees, depending on the size tree you buy, you are looking at getting your "first fruits" in 3-5 years- and several more before it becomes a bountiful harvest.
When you are planting pecan trees, it generally takes 10 years or more (our pecan trees took over 15 years before they started producing.)
The "farmers" who plant forests for lumber are looking ahead 20 years for a harvest of the seedlings they are planting.
Saguaro cactus don't reach "maturity" for 100 years.
Redwoods and sequoia trees live for thousands of years.

So often as we go through the teenage years, the early adult years, we expect God's answers to our prayers to be immediately answered. Human hearts and psychology are very intricate. Even with God's great and almighty power, the best answers to our prayers for human growth and development take years of cultivation, water, and nuture to bear fruit.

So next time you are wrestling with one of life's difficult human challenges - are you really looking for a "radish"? God is looking to create the beauty of a forest, or a tall saguaro, or the stately grace of the redwoods and sequoia trees. Jesus told us about the lily that toiled not, neither did it spin, yet it was beautifully arrayed. Are we not more important to God? While my human desires and lack of patience want a speedy resolution, I've learned that waiting for God's longer more well thought out answer always gives me special blessings and usually an answer beyond anything I could have thought up for myself.

Evening Reflections

It is easy to get in a rut and never go outside - other than the routine errand running. I've been trying to consciously go outside, to sit by the pond on a more regular basis. Being outside and soaking in the sights and sounds of nature helps to center me and feed my spirit. Watching clouds build and the wind blow reminds me of the story of Elijah when he heard God's soft voice.

Tonight, it was cool for July. It was breezy - probably due to the little storms being generated by the hurricane in the gulf. The wind rustled the leaves and left patterns in the water as it came and went. I enjoy the wind. It is a familiar friend from my childhood in the Texas Panhandle. A few sprinkles came down, but never enough to send me scurrying back to the house.

We have a new set of inhabitants on the pond. Each time I've gone down, I've seen a pair of mallards. Tonight they were hidden in some fallen trees right by the water's edge. Right at sunset, they left their hiding spot and swam and splashed in the water. I have not seen any ducklings, but I wonder if they will nest. I would love to have babies to enjoy.

We had some herons too. Too small to be great blues -I'm suspecting night herons, but they were on the other side of the pond and hard to see. But there were at least three.

We have frogs, I can hear them regularly, but I never see them. We have frogs that I suspect are small that make loud clicking noises, and we have the big bullfrogs with their "waaaonnnng".

One of the nice things about sitting around the pond in the evening is watching the swallows getting their drinks of water. It amazes me how quickly they can fly to the water, grabbing their drink barely slowing down at all.

The clouds looked stormy for awhile, and I was hoping for a rainbow when it was lightly sprinkling. But the clouds disappated, the sky glowed golden in the west. And then the clouds to the east turned pale pink.

Musings

We have visited London in the last few years. It is a beautiful city, filled with life. The terrorist activities there today remind us that our world is no longer predictable. While it is very true that each of us is only given one day at a time to live, we go through our days as though we are going to live forever. We are proud of our ability to plan for the future, store up retirement savings, and find new adventures in living. But death is always a part of life. Whether from disease, accidents, natural disasters, or human malevolence, we have a limited lifespan. God is the master of my fate - not a terrorist! In Ps 139, "All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be."

Human history tells us that there have been many dark periods in history. I grew up in the Cold War - with food and supplies stockpiled in the buildings in downtown Amarillo. The yellow triangles marked where to go for shelter in case of a nuclear attack. Looking back, diving under the school desk would not have protected us from a nuclear blast, but we practiced it in drills anyway. London has had dark days before - the German blitzkrieg during World War II was a horrible time of death and destruction. Much of historic London was lost to the bombs. The strife over Northern Ireland and the terrorist activity took its toll. But I rejoice that so many of these historical conflicts did subside and peace returned. I truly believe that this struggle with these seemingly religious fanatics will have an end. Anger and hatred are tiring emotions constantly requiring feeding. As a destructive summer storm comes in with a roar, there is always an end to the turbulence. Summer storms may come in quickly and leave quickly. Other times they linger and have several waves of thunder, rain, wind, and occasionally hail. But after the storm, the air has been washed clean, the sun shines brighter, and sometimes, a rainbow fills the sky.

I am really a simple person. I do not understand the need to kill people that I don't know. I certainly do not understand what drives someone to kill themselves in this process. People who have hope for the future do not do such things - only people in great despair.

Somehow, a solution must be found for the disparity between the super rich and the very poor. We must also learn to appreciate the differences in the cultures around the world. In the long run, only God can bring peace back into our world. So tonight my prayer:

Lord, please provide comfort and sympathy to those who are grieving in London. Bring healing to the injured and strength for the families as they nurse their loved ones back to health. Give the people in London the courage to go about their normal activities in spite of this tragedy. Touch the hearts of the men who are sowing these seeds of hatred. Touch the hearts of the young men who are following the teachings of hatred. Bring peace and prosperity to the troubled parts of our world.